You know that moment when you’re trying to enjoy a quiet cup of coffee (I use the word “quiet” loosely here) and suddenly, out of nowhere, you hear the unmistakable sound of your kids bickering? “She’s looking at me!” “I’m not touching him!” It’s like, really? Wasn’t it just five minutes ago when they were playing together so nicely? But nope, here we are again. Ah, sibling love.
Blanca and Patrick are no strangers to this. They can be best friends one second, plotting world domination with Legos, and the next, they’re in a full-blown “she’s breathing too loudly” meltdown. As much as I love them both, sometimes I wonder if I’m raising two tiny lawyers with all the arguing they do.
So, what’s a mom (and dad) to do? How do we help our kids build a solid relationship without ending up as referees 24/7? Here are a few things that have worked for us—and trust me, they’re not always perfect, but they make a difference.
Teach them to appreciate each other’s differences
One thing I’ve tried to instill in Blanca and Patrick is the idea that they’re two totally different people. Shocking, right? They each have their own likes, dislikes, and personalities. Blanca is the “organizer” of the family (I swear she’s going to be the CEO one day), while Patrick is more of the free spirit, the one who thinks rules are just suggestions. There are moments when these differences can lead to frustration, but there are also moments when it works to their advantage. By pointing out their strengths and reminding them that one can balance out the other, I’ve seen them start to give each other more space. Sure, Patrick still borrows Blanca’s things without asking (cue dramatic sigh), but now, he’s at least trying to make amends instead of just assuming she’ll forget.
Quality time (with a side of “no one is allowed to complain”)
Blanca and Patrick love to do things together—when they’re not in the middle of a heated argument, of course. One of the things that has helped them bond is carving out little pockets of time just for the two of them. Sometimes it’s a craft project (that inevitably turns into a battle over who gets which color marker) or baking cookies (again, with the “but I wanted to stir!” drama). But the point is, they’re doing it together. And once the flour stops flying, I can see the pride in their eyes when they see their finished work. No complaints allowed—if you want to bake the cookies, you have to work as a team. (And I know, I know, it sounds a bit like forced bonding time, but I swear, it helps.)
The power of shared responsibility
I’ve noticed that when Blanca and Patrick are assigned a task together (think: putting away the groceries or setting the table), they’re much more likely to get along. They may grumble at first, but there’s something about having a goal to work toward that makes the arguing decrease. I like to think of it as “teamwork makes the dream work.” I’m sure they’d rather be doing anything else, but in the end, they both feel like they accomplished something as a duo, and that’s pretty special.
Don’t underestimate the “stop, listen, and breathe” rule
Sometimes, the fighting just gets too much. I’ll be the first to admit that when I hear the bickering, I want to jump in and solve it right away (or, you know, pretend I didn’t hear it). But one thing I’ve found helpful is giving them space to talk it out. Not in a yelling match, but in a “stop, listen, breathe” kind of way. If they’re upset, I encourage them to say, “I feel upset because…” and then let the other person listen. Most of the time, once they’re actually allowed to express themselves, they realize that whatever started the fight was pretty silly in the first place.
Remember: They’ll fight, and that’s okay
Let’s be real—siblings are going to fight. It’s a fact of life. There will be squabbles, and there will be times when one of them pushes the other to the edge. But what I’ve learned is that the fighting doesn’t mean they don’t love each other. Sometimes, it’s just about finding balance. And let’s not forget—Blanca and Patrick have each other’s backs when it counts. Whether it’s helping the other with a school project or teaming up against me when they want dessert before dinner (I’m onto you, kids), they’ve got a special bond that’s built on way more than just arguing.
So, while my house might not always be a place of peace and serenity (and okay, let’s face it—who am I kidding?), I’ve seen real growth in their relationship. They’re learning how to communicate, compromise, and work together—and sometimes, that’s all I can ask for. The sibling rivalry is real, but so is the sibling love. And one day, when they’re older, I’ll remind them that they used to hate each other (just for fun).